It was last night that the doctor gathered my family and told us that, though we need to wait for the biopsy results to be conclusive, he, with the weight of 25+ years of experience, believed it to be cancer. Currently, I wait in a hospital bed for a CT scan on the rest of my body (outside of my chest) so they can see if it has spread any further. I'm so overwhelmed by the many encouraging messages on Facebook that I received from some people that I hadn't spoke to in many years. It really was a nice surprise. I know so many great, caring, and compassionate people.
I also received a few messages that were concerned about my faith. Yesterday, when I said that I'm a bit angry and sad, this was cause for concern for some. Let me assure you; my faith has not been shaken. I believe in resurrection as firmly today as I have ever an Easter morning. But, there's still so much uncertainty that causes us to experience a full range of emotions. Today I don't fear much. Tomorrow is another day. I hope to model the a powerful faith to those around me. However, I also must be honest. I trust that Christ understands my moments of anger, sadness, and confusion. He doesn't need any of us to be an emotionless automaton, but I think Christ wants us to fully honest with who we are today. Do not mistake emotions as the absence of faith.
I trust Christ.
I trust that He loves me.
I trust that He will forgive me for any moments I stop having full trust.
I know that He understands my ever-present wrestling with trust.
I believe in the resurrection.
My faith hasn't been shaken. It sustains me.
I believe we'll beat whatever this is within me.
I believe we have a ton of good days in the future.
I'm going to be alright. Spiritually. Emotionally. Physically.
I just wanted to reassure you and myself.